9 Hours From Now

In 9 hours 1 month ago I found my daughters lifeless body, she passed in her sleep and I do not have a definitive answer as to why she died. Evangelyn was only 8 weeks old to the day when she passed. She was a twin they were born July 2nd 2011. I was 37 and a half weeks pregnant when I gave birth. They were born by C-section and needed no support at the hospital. Evangelyn was 6lbs. 4oz. and Avalyn was 5lbs. 6oz. 18&1/4in. and 17in. While in the hospital we were there 4 days, the girls did loose a little weight each, they were learning to breastfeed. But by 2 weeks old both were back to their birthweight. I felt that Eva may have been jaundice but none of the doctors seemed to notice and no one said anything to me. I had a WIC appointment 10 days before Eva's passing both babies were weighed and it seemed odd to me that Ava, who was smaller at birth was now weighing more than her sister and also gain 3lbs. compared to her sister just gaining 1lb. again no red flags were raised by this. I even asked if this was unusual. Also other than this they were developing completely normal. I do not blame anyone for the loss of my daughter (although I do sometimes find I blame myself) but I wish someone would have felt some kind of concern in something, I know that it probably would not change anything but I find I am always looking at the what ifs. I think everyone probably does this when they loose a child. Because it goes against nature these things are just not supposed to happen. You love your children more than life itself and would go to the end of the earth and back to protect them. So why on earth would the be taken from you? I have so much more to tell you tonight but it's late and I have a kindergardener to get on the bus in the morning. I would like to end each post with a poem or scripture or verse of some sort. So tonight I will leave you with this It was the poem we had put on the memorial cards we gave out at the service.

God sent an Angel to the earth...
The sweetest Angel too,
And for such a tiny little thing,
She had so much to do.


She knew she did not have
Much time upon this earth to stay,
So she did not waste a second;
She got started right away.


Her eyes were bright and sparkly,
She took in every turn.
She did not miss a single thing,
Because, Evangelyn came to learn!


God sent her here to touch the hearts
Of those He could not reach...
She taught them courage, strength and faith,
Because Evangelyn came to teach.


Her tiny little body
So full of God above,
You felt it when you held her
Because Evangelyn came to love.


When she went home to Jesus,
Her purpose was fulfilled
I know He was so proud of her
When she went home to Him.


But when we miss her OH-SO-MUCH,
You can almost hear Him say,
Please understand, her work was done...
Evangelyn did not come to stay.